Restoring Connection, vol. VIII: Connection to Calling
A Journey Towards a Meaningful Life: Part 8 of a 9-part series about Restoring Connection
"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."
- Mark Twain
In the first 7 parts of this 9-part series about restoring connection, I explored ideas around restoring Connection to Self, Connection to Others, and Connection to the Natural World.
Today, I want to explore another aspect of restoring connection: Connection to Calling.
What is a calling? At its core, a calling is the sense of purpose that drives us to pursue our passions, contribute to society, and make a meaningful difference in the world.
It is the feeling that we are expressing our gifts, living a life that is authentic to, and aligned with, our soul, and doing work that is in deep alignment with our values.
I feel deeply blessed to be truly answering a calling: on even my toughest work days (which are, gratefully, few and far between), I feel as if I am truly doing the work that I was born into this world for. The intersection of human connection, soul, travel and adventure could not be a more apt expression of my gifts and passions.
Indeed, much of my work at Wayfinders is to help people find that sense of calling, something that feels deeply their own (when people ask what I do, my quick answer is “I help entrepreneurs become themselves.”)
Yet I know I am in a minority; many, if not most, of the people I know - including many of the people who join my adventures - do not feel as if their work or their life is a true expression of their gifts.
The first work of pursuing calling, however, is to remove the oppressive yoke of requiring that our calling - our gifts - be that which earns our keep.
As Krista Tippett of On Being (one of my favourite podcasts) writes,
“The language of vocation is really important to me, and I take it as a pointer for the way forward. It comes from the Latin “vocari,” “calling.” In Western culture, in the world I was born into, vocation was equated with work and with job title. But we are called not merely to be professionals, but to be friends, neighbours, colleagues, family, citizens, lovers of the world. We are called to creativity and caring and play and service for which we will never be paid — or never be paid enough — but which will make life worth living. And each of us imprints the people in the world around us, breath to breath and hour to hour, as much in who we are and how we are present as in whatever we do.”
It is enough - indeed it is everything - to simply create spaces and places for our gifts to find expression in the quotidian moments of life. This is the place from which to start: finding opportunities throughout our day, our week, or even just once a month, to express that within us that wants to be expressed.
Calling can be as grand as changing the world, but it can also be something as simple as being a great parent.
So let’s start by taking the pressure down a notch. Living a life in which our calling is how we pay our mortgage is a beautiful ideal and, often, a viable goal, but using that as our yardstick can be paralyzing and keep us stuck for years.
"Your calling is where your deepest gladness and the world's hunger meet."
- Frederick Buechner
In our world of the early 21st century, there is so much that the world is asking of us, is calling us forward to.
Amid fracturing and polarization, the world is calling us to togetherness. Amid the tumult of extreme weather, the world is calling us to simply plant a tree. Amid the ache of homelessness, the world is calling us to extend a sympathetic ear.
Each of us can meet these moments and these heartaches with our gifts; that intersection is where we find that elusive calling.
I know someone whose greatest passion is to host people at her home for intimate gatherings centred around deep conversation and dialogue. It is what lights her up and it is something at which she is incredibly skilled. Yet within her is a resistance: she feels pressured to find the ‘next big thing’ in her life, her ‘next chapter’, her ‘purpose.’ As a result, she prioritized this elusive and ethereal search and hosted these gatherings only sporadically, when she felt she had some ‘extra time’ on her hands.
So I asked her, ‘Do you love doing these dinners?’
Yes.
‘Do people enjoy them?’
Immensely. They keep asking me when the next one is.
‘Do you need to make money from them right now?’
No.
It is possible to live a life that is fulfilling, purposeful, and authentic without making a living from our gifts. What is important is to have an outlet for expressing them. They are what lights up our world and the world around us. (And it is also possible to make our gifts our central focus and our job.)
Connecting to Calling
Connecting to one's calling is not a linear process, but a lifelong, circuitous journey that involves facing our fears, exploring our passions, and embracing our uniqueness.
I started Wayfinders with one simple 5-day event in the Canadian Rockies; I wanted to create an event for entrepreneurs with fostering connection as its primary goal. It was never meant to be an entire business.
Now, almost 6 years and many experiments later, it is a business (and a successful one) and it feels like the truest expression of my gifts I could ever hope for. It feels like an answer to a call from the world; people are drawn to it (I do virtually zero marketing) because it meets a hunger for connection and adventure and self-exploration.
I am still running experiments (my new community membership model is a big experiment in progress), and I will continue experimenting for years and decades to come to keep exploring how my gifts can find their fullest expression.
The journey toward calling never ends, and that is the beauty of the process.
With that in mind, here are some tips for how to start that process of exploring one’s calling and how to live a life that is more intimately engaged with it.
Revisit Your Youth
As adults, many of us have come to forget what our gifts and passions are, and we don't even know where to start to rediscover them. However, the clues to our calling are often hidden in our childhood and adolescence. Reflecting on the activities, hobbies, and interests that brought us joy and made us feel alive can help us reconnect with our innate gifts and passions. Consider revisiting old journals and photo albums, or talking to childhood friends and family members to spark your memories.
Explore Your Wounds
My friend Philip McKernan, a highly respected and sought-after coach and speaker, is fond of saying “Our greatest gift lies next to our greatest wound.” What that saying speaks to is that our deepest pain can point the way forward to our calling.
The two biggest wounds in my life, ones that I have explored in many therapeutic contexts, are the death of my father when I was 16, and feeling lonely and left out when I was younger.
That first wound - the death of my father - almost led me to naturopathy college, where I was determined to start a path that would lead me to research and offer alternative approaches to curing cancer (brain cancer killed my father). Had I pursued that path, I feel confident I would have drawn a great deal of meaning and fulfilment from it and would have been successful with it. I’m a dedicated learner and have a thirst for knowledge; this could have easily become a lifelong obsession and a beautiful expression of my gifts.
The second path, however, led me to where I am today. In grade school and high school, I never quite felt like I fit in anywhere. There were no places where I felt like I truly belonged, and as a result, I felt lonely much of the time, even when I was with other people and friends.
Much of my work with Wayfinders is to create spaces for people to connect deeply, to feel seen and heard, and where they feel they can truly belong. That childhood wound, a wound with which I can still connect intimately, informs much of my work and my compassion around loneliness.
Practice Stillness and Mindfulness
As I shared in my previous post about Connecting to Self, slowing down and embracing stillness and mindfulness is a powerful practice for self-discovery.
Mindfulness is simply the practice of being present in the moment and fully engaged in what we are doing. It is a powerful tool for self-awareness and self-discovery. Practice mindfulness regularly by taking time to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Pay attention to the signals your body is sending you, and notice what brings you joy, fulfillment, and a sense of purpose. Create intentional spaces for an intentional practice of mindfulness; those quiet moments allow your calling to speak to you.
In his video about “conscious manifestation” Eckhart Tolle says:
“Something wants to be created through you, whatever it might be, maybe it might be writing a book or creating a conscious business…You may have a vision of what it is you want to achieve, then you focus on that vision and the most powerful way to manifest is in experiencing the fullness of the present moment, life in its fullness. It is a state of being, to experience, to realize the being within you, the -I am-. Then no future moment can be better than this present moment. Whatever it is you want to have you need to feel you already have it.”
Run Lots of Experiments
Because this journey can feel overwhelming, one way forward is to run lots of little experiments: easy actions that give us clues as to our gifts and passions. Rather than a starting point of “I need to figure out my purpose in life,” we can simply just try shit out.
Take a few classes, volunteer, attend a workshop, join a group, buy a guitar, stand on the corner and give out free hugs. Become the mad scientist of your own life. Experimenting helps us learn more about ourselves: what we enjoy, what we are good at, and what we value.
Embrace Failure
Not every experiment will point the way forward to calling, but even those ‘failed’ experiments can show us what we don’t enjoy or value, which are also valuable clues. The key is simply forward momentum and doing something.
Following your calling often involves taking risks, facing rejection, and making mistakes. Embrace failure as an opportunity for growth and learning. Recognize that every failure is a step towards success and that every setback can teach us valuable lessons. Reframe failure as feedback and use it to refine your approach and strategies.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Surround yourself with people who support and encourage you to pursue your calling. Seek out mentors, coaches, and like-minded individuals who share your vision and can provide guidance, feedback, and support.
Create a Supportive Environment
Creating a supportive environment is essential for following your calling. This can include setting boundaries, creating healthy habits, and eliminating distractions. Focus on building a supportive routine that nurtures your creativity, energy, and motivation.
Embrace Your Uniqueness
Remember that your calling is unique to you. Embrace your individuality and use it to your advantage. Don't try to fit into someone else's mold or conform to societal expectations. Your gifts and passions are what make you special, and the world needs your unique perspective.
Practice Gratitude
Gratitude is the practice of recognizing and appreciating the good things in our lives. Practicing gratitude regularly can help shift our focus towards the positive and create a sense of abundance and fulfillment, valuable allies in our search for calling. Take time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for, including your gifts and passions, and how they contribute to your calling.
I don’t want to minimize the difficulty of the journey toward calling. For many, finding the time to express one’s passions and gifts amid the grind and demands of modern life can feel impossible. Answering one’s calling can seem like a luxury that is afforded to only a select and lucky few.
Connecting to one's calling is a journey that requires self-exploration, courage, resilience, and commitment. The key is simply to find those small spaces among the cracks of our lives, those small spaces in which to insert our truest expressions.
To close off, I leave you with the words of two people I adore and admire, the first once again from Krista Tippett:
And in these last years, it’s come to seem to me that the end of all of this aspiring, what we’re called to collectively, is nothing less than the possibility of wholeness — to figure out what it means to be whole human beings, with whole institutions, living in whole societies.
These words point to the beautiful intersection of our calling with what the world is so plaintively yearning for. Our work of restoring calling is not just an individual journey of finding meaning and restoring wholeness in ourselves, it is the work of restoring wholeness in the world.
And finally, these words from the poet David Whyte:
Sweet Darkness
When your eyes are tired the world is tired also.
When your vision has gone, no part of the world can find you.
Time to go into the dark where the night has eyes to recognize its own.
There you can be sure you are not beyond love.
The dark will be your womb tonight.
The night will give you a horizon further than you can see.
You must learn one thing.
The world was made to be free in.
Give up all the other worlds except the one to which you belong.
Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.
~ David Whyte ~ (The House of Belonging)
So find what brings you alive. Be fierce and unrelenting in your search.
I’ll be back next week with the final post in my Restoring Connection series, all about Connection to Mystery.
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