No More Hiding
Living an authentic life means removing our masks
I’ve spent much of my life hiding.
In school, I hid my smarts. I was labelled ‘gifted’ early on, skipped a grade, and was a nerd who loved electronics.
I spent hours in my room making radios and other gadgets. By the time I reached 8th grade, I was reading three or four books a week. Nerd would have been an accurate descriptor.
Displaying one’s smarts in the classroom risked public humiliation, however, so I toned down my intelligence and nerdiness. I played dumb, desperate to fit in, but in private, I was intensely interested in the world and how it works, and I indulged my intellectual curiosity.
In high school and university, I continued the charade and played whatever role the situation called for so that I could fit in.
Much of the time, it was the part of the class clown: humour got me laughter and attention, but it was also a coping mechanism, a way of hiding the me that I didn’t want people to see: a young, confused man who lost his dad to cancer, missed him deeply, and didn’t know how to grieve.
In my mid-30s, I took my hiding to a new level.
I descended into darkness at the age of 33, a long dark night of the soul from which I didn’t emerge for almost three torturous years.
My depression was all-encompassing. It defined my life, every waking moment, and many of my sleeping ones. For several particularly dark months, I contemplated suicide daily, although I never made any attempts.
Apart from a couple of trusted confidants, no one suspected a thing. I had become so adept at wearing masks that I just fashioned another, the ‘I’m doing fine’ mask.
I was rather convincing.
And I suffered in silence and solitude. My suffering was profoundly amplified by the sense of shame I carried at my suffering. Everyone else seemed to be doing fine, I thought - what is wrong with me?
I emerged from that long dark night profoundly transformed.
One way it transformed me was by showing me my masks and emboldening me to stop wearing them.
It’s been a long road, but today, I carry far fewer masks and wear them far less frequently.
Most of the time, what you see is what you get: the me I show you is the me that resides at the core of my being. I have little need for pretense anymore; far fewer fucks to give.
I keep working at stripping away the layers that hide my authenticity, and it feels freeing and light.
Wearing masks is exhausting.
Which ones are you still wearing?
-Mike
Now, more than ever, my work is to create spaces for people to express themselves in their fullness, to connect with others eager to do the same, and to find what in their soul is begging expression. This is my life’s work.
If that sounds resonant, there are a few ways I and my company Wayfinders can help you. Reply to this email and I’ll send you a few options to start your journey toward fullness and living a life without hiding.
(NOTE: my work with Wayfinders is with established entrepreneurs. If that doesn’t describe you, I also do public events that could be of value)