Everything is Waiting For You
Getting started on living a more connected life
I want to start this post, my first Substack in some time as I once again crank up the writing machine, with a piece of poetry from one of my favourite writers.
“Everything is Waiting for You”
Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice. You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.
Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into the
conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.
— David Whyte
Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into the conversation.
This phrase neatly summarizes my journey over the past 20 years: from darkness to light, isolation to conversation.
That journey started on Xmas Eve, 2004, with a vicious descent into the depths of depression and loneliness. The two acted in concert, reinforcing each other in a vicious spiral.
That flat spin* took almost 2 years to reverse. Over the ensuing 17+ years, my journey has been one of restoring connection, first in my own life and then for others, both through my work with Wayfinders and other means.
*A flat spin is a dangerous and potentially life-threatening flight condition that occurs when an aircraft enters an uncontrolled spinning motion. In this situation, the wings aren’t producing enough lift, and the aircraft essentially falls out of the sky while spinning.
I write this post on the tail end of five days of connection with beautiful human beings: two dinners in Toronto with two separate groups of wonderful humans, and a restorative weekend in the wilderness of Wasan Island, Ontario, with a group of inspiring former coworkers.
Each of these experiences was nourishing on many levels. Each came about because of my efforts and intention to live a deeply connected life.
I’ll dive deeper into the how of living a more connected life in subsequent posts, but for now, I want to leave you with these starting tips for nourishing and prioritizing connection in your life.
How to Live a More Connected Life: A Starting Point
Make a list of all of the people with whom you want to stay connected. Be selective; you have a set amount of time for connection, so focus on the people who truly nourish you and leave you energized and fulfilled after you spend time with them.
Put them in a database. This could be a basic spreadsheet, a notebook, a CRM, anything that helps you keep track of those people and your interactions with them. I use Airtable to keep track of the people - both personal and professional connections - with whom I want to stay in touch. At a glance, I can see all of the people with whom I want to stay in touch, when we last met, and how we met (e.g. coffee/dinner/call/etc.)
Set aside time in your calendar for planning. The common saying, ‘if you want to know a wo/man’s priorities, take a look at his/her calendar’ is absolutely true in this regard. Connection happens by accident rarely, but with intention it happens much more frequently.
Set aside an hour in your calendar each week for planning connection: use that time to pick a few people with whom you want to meet in the coming weeks, choose how you want to meet with them (coffee, phone call, etc.), and then send out invites. That time could even be spent simply sending out a few text messages (“Hey XXX, I’ve been thinking of you. How are you doing?”). You’ll be amazed at the power of a simple text that lets people know you care about them.
If that sounds a little it’s making human connection a little too structured, just ask your married/coupled friends if they schedule time for sex and how often they have it, then compare the intimacy frequency of the people who plan versus the people who don’t :)
It’s a reality of Western society that most of us don’t live in or have contexts that support ongoing, nourishing connection. We have to work at it.
But it is vital work, and it’s beautiful work.
p.s. if you’re an entrepreneur seeking more connection with your peers, come join me for my first Wayfinders Retreat on Wasan Island this September: 4 days of connection on a private 6-acre island in beautiful Muskoka, Ontario.